TOTALLY NOT FOR SHARING SECRETS REVEALED IN...
CALCULATING...
● INCOMING MINISTRY OF SECRETS // NEW INTELLIGENCE RECEIVED // WAND AMNESTY IS IN EFFECT. ALL UNAUTHORISED WANDS CAN BE PLACED IN THE LOCKBOX ON FLOOR 23, NO QUESTIONS ASKED // CLASSIFIED MATERIAL RECOVERED FROM LOCAL COUNCIL // ALL THESE WILDFIRE ARE DISPLACING CRYPTIDS INTO RESIDENTIAL AREAS. FOR REDACTED REASONS OWLMEN WERE ALREADY IN THOSE AREAS, SO LARGELY UNAFFECTED // I SEE THAT PENIS-STEALING WARLOCKS ARE IN VOGUE IN TANZANIA AT THE MOMENT. IT COMES AND GOES // PLAGUE CULTISTS’ ANNUAL CRUISE HAS GONE AS EXPECTED. // WIZARD’S RIFLES PROMOTED TO ACTIVE STATUS // SOMETHING IS GOING ON AT DUNGENESS // PEAS ARE AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF PROTEIN AND YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE ANY PROTEIN TO BRIAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER. SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FLATULENCE FACTOR BUT WE ARE STILL WORKING ON IT. // PLEASE REMAIN CALM // FURTHER INFORMATION WILL BE DENIED // OH NO I ATE THE CHEESE!! //

WHY SUBSCRIBE?

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// FOLLOWING BULLETIN 01, ALL FURTHER INTELLIGENCE WILL BE RESTRICTED TO AUTHORISED SUBSCRIBERS / OPERATORS //

// THIS IS NOT A THREAT // IT IS SIMPLY THE CURRENT POSITION OF THE MINISTRY // IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN // SINCE YESTERDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY // THAT WAS WHEN WE DECIDED IT //

// DURING THE INITIAL RELEASE PERIOD, NEW BULLETINS WILL BE DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX EACH WEEK, SUBJECT TO ARCHIVAL CLEARANCE, THE UNDERSECRETARY, ANY ARCANE REQUIREMENTS, AND THE OCCASIONAL UNEXPLAINED DELAY //

CLEARANCE IS ALWAYS RECOMMENDED AND MOSTLY COORDINATED // IF IN DOUBT USE "NO" // KEEP THE SECRETS // KEEP IT UPPERCASE