TOTALLY NOT FOR SHARING SECRETS REVEALED IN...
CALCULATING...
● INCOMING MINISTRY OF SECRETS // NEW INTELLIGENCE RECEIVED // WAND AMNESTY IS IN EFFECT. ALL UNAUTHORISED WANDS CAN BE PLACED IN THE LOCKBOX ON FLOOR 23, NO QUESTIONS ASKED // CLASSIFIED MATERIAL RECOVERED FROM LOCAL COUNCIL // ALL THESE WILDFIRE ARE DISPLACING CRYPTIDS INTO RESIDENTIAL AREAS. FOR REDACTED REASONS OWLMEN WERE ALREADY IN THOSE AREAS, SO LARGELY UNAFFECTED // I SEE THAT PENIS-STEALING WARLOCKS ARE IN VOGUE IN TANZANIA AT THE MOMENT. IT COMES AND GOES // PLAGUE CULTISTS’ ANNUAL CRUISE HAS GONE AS EXPECTED. // WIZARD’S RIFLES PROMOTED TO ACTIVE STATUS // SOMETHING IS GOING ON AT DUNGENESS // PEAS ARE AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF PROTEIN AND YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE ANY PROTEIN TO BRIAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER. SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FLATULENCE FACTOR BUT WE ARE STILL WORKING ON IT. // PLEASE REMAIN CALM // FURTHER INFORMATION WILL BE DENIED // OH NO I ATE THE CHEESE!! //

COMPLAINTS

Complaints concerning any conduct, decisions, omissions, or general conduct of the Ministry of Secrets, its personnel, its websites (of which this is not, repeat not one), offices, departments , sub-departments, sub-sub-departments, manifestations, apparitions, cheeses, or the state of canteen menu, sigh... should be submitted in writing, triplicate, in black ink, to the Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, Contraventions, Compliance & Conformity, Correspondence Commission (7Cs).

Complaints must be submitted to 7C using Form 27C/7, available upon written request from the 7Cs office. An original personal identification document (such as passport, or driving license) must be provided with the request, including a stamped self-addressed envelope for return. Return time is subject to the completion of the complaints process and/or any subsequent appeal process.

Requests for Form 27C/7 must be also be accompanied by Form 27C/7A, which confirms that the applicant has not previously requested Form 27C/7, nor currently has any original personal identification documents held by the Ministry.

Complaints concerning the return of a complaint without consideration may be submitted as a Secondary Complaint, provided that the original complaint has been formally acknowledged as having been returned without consideration.

Secondary Complaints require Form 27C/7B. Complaints concerning Form 27C/7B require Form 27B/6RR. The application for these forms should be directed to the Ministry's Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, Contraventions, Compliance & Conformity, Correspondence Commission, using the same method as outlined in exhaustive detail here.

Complaints concerning the requirement to use all these bloody forms may only be submitted following completion of the preliminary complaint about the complaint process. Look I didn't make these rules up. Well, technically I did, but that's a bit meta.

The Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, Contraventions, Compliance & Conformity, Correspondence Commission regrets any inconvenience caused by this procedure.

We take complaints very seriously at the Ministry.