WE HAVE GONE 2 DAYS WITHOUT OPERATOR LOSS //
THE PREVIOUS DEPARTMENTAL RECORD WAS 2 DAYS //
OH WELL :'( PLEASE WORK HARDER TO SET A NEW RECORD //
● NEWSWIRE ITEM: FIVE NEW SYMBOLS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO OFFICIAL MINISTRY ALCHEMICAL GUIDELINES.OSMIUM, THORIUM, TENNESSINE, AVOCADO, ENNUI // NO EXEMPTION: DURING THE FIRST DAY OF HIS WAR CRIMES TRIAL, THE DEFENCE TEAM OF THE FORMER BRITISH PRIME MINISTER ARE CLAIMING HE WAS IN "GOBLIN MODE" // WHILE GENETIC TESTING IS IN PROGRESS // THE MINISTRY REMINDS ALL STAFF THAT GOBLINOID DNA PROVIDES NO EXEMPTIONS FROM THE LAW // FORBIDDEN: AFTER THE INCIDENT WITH THE CRANES, PUNS ARE EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN ON MINISTRY REQUISITION FORMS // ITEM: ‘PLEASE GO SLOWLY ROUND THE BEND’, IS A GUIDELINE ONLY FOR ENTERING/EXITING THE QUARRY HOUSE CAR PARK // IT IS NOT MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE // OPERATORS ARE ORDERED TO IMMEDIATELY CEASE ANY GRADUAL DESCENTS INTO MADNESS WHICH THEY MAY BE UNDERTAKING // SPIKE: THERE HAS BEEN A SPIKE IN THE CONSTRUCTION OF KILLDOZER-TYPE VEHICLES IN GREAT BRITAIN, WITH PARTICULAR CONCENTRATIONS FOUND ACROSS GREATER LONDON, AND THE WEST COUNTRY // WHEN ASKED WHAT MIGHT BE DRIVING REASONABLE FOLKS TOWARDS UNREASONABLE ACTIONS, THE MINISTRY'S CHIEF PSYCHIATRIST DR. MANGLE RELEASED A PROTRACTED SIGH BEFORE TERMINATING THE CALL // (I ACTUALLY HAD SEVERAL APPOINTMENTS WITH A SPECIALIST CALLED DR MANGLE, AND DESPITE THE NAME SHE WAS LOVELY) // CHANGE NOTICE: WHILE THE PROGNOSTICATION DIVISION TAKES A SUDDEN UNSCHEDULED HOLIDAY, THE WITCHING FORECAST WILL BE PRODUCED BY THE RIGHT REVEREND SAUL BANJAXED, HERALD OF CALAMITIES. THE TEAM LEFT IN SOMETHING OF A HURRY AND LEFT A MESSAGE OF SUPPORT // "BEST OF LUCK REV', YOU'LL DO GREAT! IF YOU CAN KEEP THOSE PROPHECIES OF DOOM TO A MINIMUM WE'RE REASONABLY CONFIDENT THAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF EVENTS WILL BE MORE OR LESS FINE. PERHAPS EVEN OKAY-ISH. LOVE FROM THE PROG-SQUAD, XOXO" // SOCIAL: PROFESSOR CHRONOTIS WOULD LIKE TO INVITE EVERYONE TO HER 75TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS! AN OPEN BAR AND BUFFET WERE AVAILABLE AT THE OLD WINDMILL PUBLIC HOUSE ON SPON STREET, FROM 7PM, 2ND OF NOVEMBER, 1911 // TEMPORAL TRANSPORT IS GOING TO HAVE BEEN PROVIDED //

COMPLAINTS

WE TAKE COMPLAINTS VERY SERIOUSLY AT THE MINISTRY //

COMPLAINTS CONCERNING ANY CONDUCT, DECISIONS, OMISSIONS, OR GENERAL CONDUCT OF THE MINISTRY OF SECRETS, ITS PERSONNEL, ITS WEBSITES (OF WHICH THIS IS NOT, REPEAT NOT ONE), OFFICES, DEPARTMENTS , SUB-DEPARTMENTS, SUB-SUB-DEPARTMENTS, MANIFESTATIONS, APPARITIONS, CHEESES, OR THE STATE OF CANTEEN MENU, [TAKES A DEEP BREATH]... SHOULD BE SUBMITTED IN WRITING, TRIPLICATE, IN BLACK INK, TO THE COMPLAINTS, CONCERNS, CRITICISMS, CONTRAVENTIONS, COMPLIANCE & CONFORMITY, CORRESPONDENCE COMMISSION (7CS) // EXHALES //

COMPLAINTS MUST BE SUBMITTED TO 7C USING FORM 27C/7, AVAILABLE UPON WRITTEN REQUEST FROM THE 7CS OFFICE //

AN ORIGINAL PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION DOCUMENT (SUCH AS PASSPORT, OR DRIVING LICENSE) MUST BE PROVIDED WITH THE REQUEST, INCLUDING A STAMPED SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE FOR RETURN. RETURN TIME IS SUBJECT TO THE COMPLETION OF THE COMPLAINTS PROCESS AND/OR ANY SUBSEQUENT APPEAL PROCESS //

REQUESTS FOR FORM 27C/7 MUST BE ALSO BE ACCOMPANIED BY FORM 27C/7A, WHICH CONFIRMS THAT THE APPLICANT HAS NOT PREVIOUSLY REQUESTED FORM 27C/7, NOR CURRENTLY HAS ANY ORIGINAL PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION DOCUMENTS HELD BY THE MINISTRY //

COMPLAINTS CONCERNING THE RETURN OF A COMPLAINT WITHOUT CONSIDERATION MAY BE SUBMITTED AS A SECONDARY COMPLAINT, PROVIDED THAT THE ORIGINAL COMPLAINT HAS BEEN FORMALLY ACKNOWLEDGED AS HAVING BEEN RETURNED WITHOUT CONSIDERATION //

SECONDARY COMPLAINTS REQUIRE FORM 27C/7B. COMPLAINTS CONCERNING FORM 27C/7B REQUIRE FORM 27B/6RR // THE APPLICATION FOR THESE FORMS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO THE MINISTRY'S COMPLAINTS, CONCERNS, CRITICISMS, CONTRAVENTIONS, COMPLIANCE & CONFORMITY, CORRESPONDENCE COMMISSION, USING THE SAME METHOD AS OUTLINED IN EXHAUSTIVE DETAIL HERE //

COMPLAINTS CONCERNING THE REQUIREMENT TO USE ALL THESE BLOODY FORMS MAY ONLY BE SUBMITTED FOLLOWING COMPLETION OF THE PRELIMINARY COMPLAINT ABOUT THE COMPLAINT PROCESS // LOOK I DIDN'T MAKE THESE RULES UP. WELL, TECHNICALLY I DID, BUT THAT'S A BIT META //

THE COMPLAINTS, CONCERNS, CRITICISMS, CONTRAVENTIONS, COMPLIANCE & CONFORMITY, CORRESPONDENCE COMMISSION REGRETS ANY INCONVENIENCE CAUSED BY THIS PROCEDURE //