TOTALLY NOT FOR SHARING SECRETS REVEALED IN...
CALCULATING...
● INCOMING MINISTRY OF SECRETS // NEW INTELLIGENCE RECEIVED // WAND AMNESTY IS IN EFFECT. ALL UNAUTHORISED WANDS CAN BE PLACED IN THE LOCKBOX ON FLOOR 23, NO QUESTIONS ASKED // CLASSIFIED MATERIAL RECOVERED FROM LOCAL COUNCIL // ALL THESE WILDFIRE ARE DISPLACING CRYPTIDS INTO RESIDENTIAL AREAS. FOR REDACTED REASONS OWLMEN WERE ALREADY IN THOSE AREAS, SO LARGELY UNAFFECTED // I SEE THAT PENIS-STEALING WARLOCKS ARE IN VOGUE IN TANZANIA AT THE MOMENT. IT COMES AND GOES // PLAGUE CULTISTS’ ANNUAL CRUISE HAS GONE AS EXPECTED. // WIZARD’S RIFLES PROMOTED TO ACTIVE STATUS // SOMETHING IS GOING ON AT DUNGENESS // PEAS ARE AN EXCELLENT SOURCE OF PROTEIN AND YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE ANY PROTEIN TO BRIAN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER. SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FLATULENCE FACTOR BUT WE ARE STILL WORKING ON IT. // PLEASE REMAIN CALM // FURTHER INFORMATION WILL BE DENIED // OH NO I ATE THE CHEESE!! //

WHO WE ARE

The Ministry of Secrets exists to defend the Realm against Unusual Phenomena of all varieties, whether they be the products of supernatural or extra dimensional entities, deranged science and engineering, or sorcery, amongst many others.

These islands are threatened by peculiar threats, from other agents, nations, and entities, and we are the first and final lines of defence against them.

The Ministry of Secrets has been making training materials in a variety of media since 2006. The Undersecretary and the Head of Department of Mesmerism believe that communications with Operators are crucial. Now, with the addition of ████ ███████ to our team, we are extending that reach to the Territorial Operators and Consultants in the Service of the Ministry.

Keep the Secrets. Protect the Realm Against the Secrets. Use the Secrets against our enemies.

Remember, the Ministry of Secrets does not exist. If you believe you have encountered the Ministry of Secrets, please do not contact us. If you do contact us, please use Form MO/S/17B.

Put finger to lip, and go shhhhhhh. Sniff finger. Finger smell funny.