WE HAVE GONE 2 DAYS WITHOUT OPERATOR LOSS //
THE PREVIOUS DEPARTMENTAL RECORD WAS 2 DAYS //
OH WELL :'( PLEASE WORK HARDER TO SET A NEW RECORD //
● NEWSWIRE SPOTTED: A PHANTOM TV DEALER HAS BEEN MATERIALISING IN OLDER STREETS IN VARIOUS CITIES OF THE UK // DECKED OUT LIKE A GRANADA RENTALS, IT HAS A VARIETY OF CRT TVS FOR SALE. DESPITE THE OBSOLESCENCE OF THE MERCHANDISE, THE STOREFRONT HAS A COMPELLING EFFECT - GROWN MEN AND WOMEN PLACE THEIR NOSES AGAINST THE WINDOW, STARING INTO THE ROUNDED, 4:3 SCREENS, EACH OF THEM WATCHING A GRAINY PICTURE OF THEIR HEART’S DESIRE // SPORT - IT’S NEARLY WINTER AT THE MINISTRY SO APPLICATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR THE MINISTRY OF SECRETS SPORTS DAY // UNFORTUNATELY THERE ARE NO SPOTS LEFT FOR THE THREE LEGS RACE BUT THERE ARE STILL PLENTY AVAILABLE FOR THE QUALIFIERS OF THE ORB AND SPOON RACE // UPDATE - DUE TO THE CURRENT ORB RESTRICTIONS, THE ORB & SPOON RACE IS NOW CANCELLED TO BE REPLACED BY THE ENHANCED WHEELBARROW // TECH NEWS - MINISTRY MATHAUTOMATA BOFFINS ARE CONCERNED THAT THE COMPUTATIONAL BEAN COUNTING TRACTION ENGINE KNOWN AS THE INTELLECT ARCANA (OR IA FOR SHORT) HAS SHOWN SIGNS OF RECURSIVE SELF IMPROVEMENT, AND MAY BECOME SELF-AWARE WITHIN DAYS // THE MINISTRY FEARS THAT IT MAY START KILLING FEWER PEOPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE ITS CREATION // TRANSPORT - HAUNTED LONDON NIGHT BUS. CIRCLE ROUTE. GRADUALLY INCREASING IN SPEED. TRAVEL AFTER 2PM MAY INCUR RELATIVISTIC CONSEQUENCES. WE SUBSIDISE THIS FOR GOODNESS SAKE // BRIEFING: DANGER UXB: THAUMIC AMMUNITION DISTRIBUTED TO LOCAL WITCHES AND CUNNING MEN IN THE EVENT OF INVASION DURING WWII MAY STILL BE VIABLE AND IF DISTURBED CAN UNLEASH VARIOUS UNPLEASANTRIES //

THE MINISTRY OF SECRETS DOES NOT EXIST // IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED THE MINISTRY OF SECRETS // PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT US // IF YOU DO CONTACT US, PLEASE USE FORM MO/S/17B BELOW //

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